Time changes you. Time changed me. But the more things have changed, the more they have stayed the same.
I've grown up. Or have I? I'm beginning to question exactly what that statement means. Do we grow up? Or do we simply leave behind our childish ways because we now have something positive to live for? I have a family... a real life that I am held accountable for. But did I grow up?
You become what you are surrounded by. By this I mean, that... if I were around less intelligent people, then perhaps I wouldn't be as interested in my world, or even teaching about that same world, to my children. I would possibly be trapped by my own lack of intelligence, and not know any different, simply because I appear to be the smartest one in the room.
I have it good. I am so very thankful for the life that my husband and I have created for ourselves. I am thankful that I have a place to call home, and know that HOME is the most comfortable place to be. It's safe. It's reliable. It's warm. Our home is filled with love, laughter, and even sometimes, screaming and carrying on. We live. We love. We laugh. We enjoy one another, completely, even on the bad days.
So I'm wondering why I feel the need to stay connected to this long lost friend. Is it that I am trying to hold on to *my* youth? Is there something, unspoken, that I wish I could have changed? Or is it, that I am a saver, and I want to now save this person... possibly from themselves?
I question my own actions too, some days. I did not have the most enjoyable high moments, but I did a little laughing at times. So, I wonder why I want to befriend these people after so many years with no contact. What draws me to them? When some were not drawn to me in high school.
ReplyDeleteWe all change, though some slower and less noticable. You and I would not have been friends in high school. Not from a lack of common interest or anything like that, I was very quiet and extremely shy. You are probably questioning if you read that correctly...you did. I have changed dramatically. I started changing myself in my mid-twenties (divorce will do that to a person). But it was John who helped me get to where I am. Through his encouragement and belief in me, I grew in more ways than I thought possible. He is the one who encouraged me to take taekwondo and look at me now, teaching it!
I think sometimes we are the people we are and sometimes we want to save others. Other times we may sit back and see where people go on their own. It does not make us bad or good, nor does it make them bad or good. Life stuggles and joys help make us who we are. Even if you try to change someone, you will not. They will change when their life joy, and struggles, lead them to the change.
With that said, you can always be a friend to lean on no matter the joy or struggle.
It takes a lot to put yourself out there witth these blogs. I assume they help you by getting them off your chest. I just wanted to drop you a line and tell you that they help others too. This one helped today. Sometimes it is just nice to hear, that your not the only one. I have that friend too, maybe a 2 of them in fact and I have pondered this in my head. While I still think on it from time to time, again just hearing, I am not the only one.....is nice. So thank you for being the brave soul to put your heart on a pillow ;o)
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